I have a story to tell;
Different…yet all the same.
Don’t know if it all went well.
It all comes down to one name.
Two thousand and Fourteen.
A year of my aspirations.
I was a robotic teen
Fidgeting over my ambitions.
‘A little different’ is what they called me;
For my apparent lack of emotions.
But I knew that for me
‘Love’ wasn’t ever a notion.
I thought I knew everything;
Especially what the word meant.
Never had I had the feeling;
I think I was over-confident.
Came the month of September,
I was active on the internet.
Facebook brought the strangest wonder;
A name that requested to connect.
Blamed for having unfriended,
I fought with all my might.
But soon we had concluded,
It was ignorance that caused the plight.
The 25th day of the month;
Our bond was on a new hype.
The talks reached a new length.
The only option was Skype.
The talks became very regular;
Though there was no such intention.
My departure to passion was the trigger.
She had become a strange compulsion.
Then came the news of my failure,
Dejected, rejected, loitering around.
She became my only pillar.
It was new what I had found.
It took me months to really know
What exactly it was;
Recalling the events in a row,
I wondered why our paths did cross?
There was that strange urge in me
Accompanied by a dark fear.
‘Does she feel the same for me?’
It was yet not that clear.
I saw her with different eyes,
She sat there with a halo above.
Saw those heavenly eyes,
Yes… I had fallen in Love.
The end of the first month,
My fear had almost subsided.
I was a soldier on the battlefront,
With his life, all decided.
My plans were postponed;
When our friend found our dire need.
But then my heart condoned…
I cannot delay the deed.
Came February the 12th.
I restlessly read my verse.
I could have given all my wealth,
For a ‘yes’ from who meant me my Universe.
Long Distance was difficult,
I knew it was not impossible.
For it was true what we felt.
Nothing else seemed as credible.
It took us a while to share,
The beautiful three-word phrase.
It was all more than fair.
A reality we had to face.
The bond strengthened in your visit.
We were still shy and conserved;
The relation had been tightly knit.
It was what our bond deserved.
You returned, a sad day indeed.
The few days thence were painful;
Understanding my life’s only need,
I tried to make yours colourful.
We achieved in long distance,
What few achieve together.
Trust, Love, and Patience;
To sum it all together.
Months of cries and laughter;
As if we always held hands,
Sitting beside each other.
It all went as planned.
Until the day I came to this city,
In the midst of all my fears,
Confounded, in a bad self-pity,
I couldn’t then see that clear.
What was the most beautiful,
I made it so dark for you,
Trying to grasp with a handful,
My horrors had all come true.
I couldn’t give you what you needed,
That was my biggest mistake.
I had already conceded…
That my actions would lead to your heartbreak.
Desperate to find a solution,
Though it was straight in my sight;
I had dissolved myself in confusion,
Couldn’t give circumstances a fight.
Came that unfortunate night,
It was long that I had been away.
My actions were never right;
I led it all to that day.
It all hit me in a go,
All the wrongs that I had done.
In my desperate attempts to grow,
I had lost the one.
I was born stupid.
That is needless to mention.
When I had all that I needed,
Follies were all I had done.
Apology is a minor repentance,
I shall regret being myself for life.
I have no excuses for my ignorance.
Myself dropped my heart on a knife.
I regret being so senseless.
So much more I could have been.
Born with an inability to express,
I came between our own dreams.
Can give anything for what we held.
Those were the best times.
I have so much more to tell.
Can’t get it all in rhymes.
I was a big failure,
But that’s not what I wanted to be.
I have shed my idiotic demeanour,
I just wanted her to see.
These past months were difficult for me,
Even if it was all my fault.
What I needed, I couldn’t see,
Our bond had come to a halt.
But that doesn’t change a few facts,
Even if we have missed out a lot.
I couldn’t show through my acts,
But live without you, I might not.
I failed my first promise,
I cannot hate myself more.
But I want us to have what we’ve missed,
I won’t hold it back anymore.
You have always deserved the best,
That I couldn’t be.
Fate had laid down a test,
I failed at it, miserably.
I want to make amends,
To make up for what we lost.
It is not here that it ends…
I just need the last of your trust.
I know it would be very hard,
The fear of feeling that pain.
The pain of being so apart,
You do not want to feel again.
But trust me when I say this,
I fear losing you even more,
Won’t commit the same mistakes.
Won’t ever shut the door.
It has always been so very simple,
That a complex answer is what I sought.
Talk, share, cry and giggle.
But my absence formed a clot.
The journey would be unparalleled,
If you are a part of it.
You have done all you could have,
To me… Leave the rest.
These aren’t mere flowery lines…
I tried to be as real as I could have.
I think I took a lot of time,
To say what I just should have.
I don’t want you to leave me,
I know I couldn’t be more selfish.
But I know, you still love me.
I cannot let ‘us’ perish.
Whatever is your decision,
I would ever be there for you.
I would give you every reason,
To start it all anew.
Just one last thing I need to do.
I really think I owe it to tell you.
Even through the darkest of blues,
Girl… I will never forget you.